Who wears a wallet chain?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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