When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
