its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we're so committed to being not committed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
