No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
