Already got asked if we're dating
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
