I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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