hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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