Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
