i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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