I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
