He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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