Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
