My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
