Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
