Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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