She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
