worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
