I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
