I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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