what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
