So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
