omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
