So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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