His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
