I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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