I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
