lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
