I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
