I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
