i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
