fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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