We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
