I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
