Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
