Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
