I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
