Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
