White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
