Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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