i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
