I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
