He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
not ubering you a puppy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
