i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
