If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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