I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
