Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
