I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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