Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
