My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize