Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
