I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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