what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
