Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
