that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
