She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
