So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize