Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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