if i can run in heels then i can drive
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
