he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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