Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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