when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
