It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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