Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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