If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
