i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
