I'm lost and stupid without you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're like the curious george of whores
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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