hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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