And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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