Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
