If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
