They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
