It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do herpes really smell.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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