just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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