i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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