he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
