wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
