he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
