I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize